ASSIGNMENT I have the greatest respect for those writers who are charged with preparing an opening dialog for high class comedy stars - stage, TV or stand-up.
After all, the star is getting ready to unwrap a whole bale of the laugh-inducing mixture sense and nonsense and it is your specific job to help hold the door open so they welcome him or her.
Try it, sometime. Take a list of jokes and re-say them for the occasion. Join them together leading to the main act of the show. Join them together as an introductory unit leading to the main act.
“I was a afraid, for a moment, some of you may not recognize me. I've been wearing a neck brace... sling-thing for a couple of weeks.
(Indicates shoulder area and pretends padded arm.)
“I had accident while minding my own business. I went to my bank - an old-fashioned one where you actually inside the building and walk right up to the Teller. Mine was a beautiful; rather tall blond..bright, blued eye. She smiled and asked if she could do anything for me, and I said: “ Yes, would you please check my balance?”
She pushed me.
I wonder about some people. I really do. Why do critics call TV a “medium” I found out. It's called a “medium” because it's “rare”-ly “well done.”
Just suppose Tarzan was a Cajun. What would that make Cheetah? Picante Sauce, maybe?
People ask me if I have troubles at work. Yes, but when I leave the office, I leave my troubles there, too. I have duplicate set at home.
After Michaelangelo painted the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel he was asked which part of the job was most difficult. He responded: “Staying in the lines, Brother, staying in the lines!”
If you ever want to hear sixty-five old ladies swearing at the same time, step inside a crowded hall and yell “Bingo!”
Two things I'm still wondering about: Who puts those silly “Thin Ice” signs way out in the middle of half-iced ponds? And - why we call them “stairs”inside the house and “steps” outside?
Remember always: Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it.
Well, now!! Here comes ----(guest)----I'll bet you thought he'd never get here!
(Greets guest speaker..make short, serious facts and figures about guest then,to audience say ”Thank you. I tell you that blond Teller pushed me! She did so,too!”
Andrew McCaskey amccsr@adelphia.net 9-1-06 [c426wds]
