Saturday, October 25, 2003
FREE WHEELING
Even as I write this - an era is ending.
This evening - Friday, October 24, 2003 – the news cups runneth over in praise marking the final flight of the British version of the SST Concord. The graceful preying-mantis-like craft landing gracefully at Heathrow and millions of TV viewers are witnessing films of this final voyage and the last landing of this exceptional aircraft creation of our Time ...a bit ahead of it all, perhaps, in many ways.
On the whole it was a time of good cheer and celebration. I noticed one young boy in the crowd, ten or twelve years of age perhaps, who was sobbing freely, and there are others, I dare say, who view his historic moment with sorrow and regret.
Not so, here in America. I find,judging by today's Direct Mail delivered to our door by government employee,by this morning's television spots and by forthcoming editions of newspapers and magazines, that we are entering a totally new era of personal transportation!
You just watch!
If all goes well for the people who have planned his introductory phase we are, as a nation, going to be up to our ear in motorized wheelchairs before the coming New Year gets old.
It is never called a “wheel chair. Instead, one one manufacturer has harkened back to the days when we could run all over the house and the neighbor-hod on a handy,two-wheeled plank with handle-bar called a “scooter” It has other names making git seem o be the very latest mode of personal transport, especially for the old and ailing, but not necessarily so. The attributes of the mechanism are being lauded to the extreme and most people I know would like to have, at least, one of them. Medicare will pay for it. If not, your supplementary insurance will, or the company will ante up, it is suggested. Come whatever, you keep the cart.
Somewhere along the happy trail, I fear, some one is going to be taken for a ride.
Thing not discussed: How long does a battery last? How much does a re-chargeable battery of the size needed cost? How many watts will it sip when the feeding line is connected at night? Where can I use it? That's something which has not been revealed, too. On public streets? On sidewalks - where kid's bikes are restricted? Shopping at the Mall? Do I need city, country, or state tags? Or, a permit or license of some sort? What about insurance coverage? Is there a change of a new octo-age cart event being added at the local stock car oval so I can can win prize money? What crazy stunt will get me in the Guinness Book of World Records?
And a, major point among all the minor ones, is: Do I have to get a doctor's written approval saying that I need a motorized wheel chair - without calling it a wheel chair, of course?
One era of personal transportation ends, you see, but another begins! It does get complicated at times. Ah! the wonder of it all!
A.L.M. October 24, 2003 [c531wds]
Friday, October 24, 2003
REBATE BAIT
When I see or hear that a car dealer is offering me thousands of dollars “back” if I buy a car or truck from his selection, I cringe and reach to protect my wallet almost automatically.
The way I hear the offer is not the way the dealer intended me to hear it, for sure.
When he, or the manufacturer of he vehicle, offers me a generous sum of money, discounting the price I am to pay, I always get a feeling that he is admitting that he has been charging too much for the product or service;that he is currently overpricing the car to others, and would be to me had I not become the blessed .anointed one chosen to receive this special discount. If he can make such price cuts and still stay in business, then he has been gouging everyone to whom he sold a car in recent months.
I realize I am not conversant with the inside language business people use among themselves suited to their particular niche, but much depends on what such terms as “invoice” can mean. One may be talking about or even telling the actual cost incurred when a dealer gets a car from the manufacturer, providing the true cost of the unit to the dealer, or one without considering transportation costs to display room or lot. Or, it might be quoted as the price of such a unit if bought by itself, but the dealer bought it, at a greatly reduced figure, as part of a “fleet” order. There are many variations of what an invoice might be said to be. Your chances of knowing all of them are about the same as any estimates you might make at the casino tables. You can be sure only just on thing: that the
“house” percentage is assured.
If such rebate are to handed out frequently, why in the world should anyone buy a vehicle at any other time? I, personally, am not one who enjoys “haggling” over prices. I find something I think I want and, if the price seems reasonable enough, I buy it. If not, I have learned long ago to do without.
It could be a matter of semantics, I suppose. One could see it as entirely possible that the word “rebate” has mutated over the years. Could it have originally been spelled “re-bait”? I still hear an overtone of such a possible meaning. I picture a trap being fitted out with new, tempting supply of sucker-luring tidbits.
Beware of all re-bait offers.
A.L.M. October 23, 2003 [c501wds]
Thursday, October 23, 2003
WAR TIME MINISTRIES [ASC#2]*
Any church which has been actively serving a community of believers since 1740 is sure to have a varied history. Augusta Stone Presbyterian Church, at Fort Defiance, Virginia is one of them and it is interesting to look at the minister who served that church during Civil War year.
His biography takes every bit of one-half page in the book detailing the accomplishments of other ministers who have served the church until our own time. He is dubbed “the martyred minister” for something he did after he left the areas. His wartime Christian ministry is all but ignored and we wonder why his was done.
It appears that the mission of the church was was influenced by the rigorous demands of war. Indications are that the church was more or less dormant during the years of conflict, but it certainly it was not from any shortcoming on the part of the young minister. He compared favorably with the five previous pastors at the church as far as education. background and bearing were concerned. His abilities have not been criticized; they have been ignored, possibly by followers who lacked the courage to set him forth as a record of mutual beliefs which have, because of the wars end became largely discredited in a public sense.
Other writings about the Rev. Francis H.. Bowman, fifth minister of the Old Stone church, say he was a “100%-plus” Confederate who is said to have spent more time in jail than in the pulpit for his beliefs and expressed sentiments. He appears to have spoken out often concerning issues of the day. A letter written by a young Confederate soldier camping in the area is quoted in praise of the young minister who preached at the stone church on the hill above the Valley Pike/Indian Road.
It would seem we had a young man of ability who was sacrificed on the altar of war. In other times his life might well have been different and chapters would have been written concerning his views. His brief place in the church's history depends largely on a selfless act of compassion as symbol of his life .
After the war an epidemic of cholera or yellow fever rose to epidemic proportions in the Memphis, Tennessee area and Rev. Francis H. Bowman, of Augusta Stone Presbyterian Church, volunteered to be among those who went into the stricken area to minister to all in need. He came back briefly to Charlottesville, where his parents resided; sickened with the fever he had fought and died ...a martyr in service to Mankind in another time of stress.
We owe something to this man today, when we face the ravages of war so frequently. He, as others do today, spoke of the Prince of Peace in times of war which is not an easy thing to undertake.
A.L.M. October 22. 2003 {505wds]
*[ASC]one of a series concerning the history of Augusta Stone Presbyterian Church, Ft. Defiance, Va.
Wednesday, October 22, 2003
October 22, 2003
TWO SCAMS
It is amazing how many people buy into schemes which are obvious frauds. We are led to believe that this is something new and distinct for our time, but that is false in every way. Many of the schemes being used today to absorb the wealth of others have impressive historical backgrounds.
There can be a shaky side to just any proffered deal. “If it sounds too good,it probably is.” applies to most of them. I recall two scams from the past which did very well and may still be providing someone with a living of a sort.
One scheme, used in radio and print, was for a “Guaranteed Bug Killer”. The offer provided a way of permanently eliminating all bugs, ants,roaches,flies, fleas, lice - you name it - – as well as other pestiferous critters such moths, spiders, termites, weevils, garden bugs of all kinds. The Bug Killer offered was absolutely harmless to all pets, children and today it would be claimed as being harmless as far as environmental hazards which might be concerned. It was guaranteed. Some places charged several dollars for it; others asked only one dollar for a sample. Some suggested it was a one treatment, too.
Naturally, many bug-battered people, ordered the product. Within a few days they got the “prompt shipment” they had been promised. The packet was opened immediately and very carefully.
It contained two small wooden blocks. On the surface of one block they saw printed instructions: “Place bug here. Place Block 2 on top. Press firmly.”
Very few people talked about having been so dumb. So the scam continued. Rest assured, it will return or may even be out there right now now in some guise.
The other scam called for an enterprising individual to place a classified ad in the local newspaper which always read: “Notice: Today is the last day you can mail a one dollar bill to Box ---, Dept ----”.
You, may not think it possible but there was always a few suckers out there who would do so with dreams of fantastic reward for their prompt action. The writer of the ad checked the Box No. the next day or so, and used the money he received to get to the next town which had a local paper.
One word: Don't!
A.L.M. October 20, 2003 [c395wds]
Tuesday, October 21, 2003
NOW WATCH THAT, BUSTER!
There's one sayin' I hear now and then that irks me a bit. I've said it. You've said it. Milton Berle probably was accused of stealing the gag line from other comics during the time of late night radio.
It is usually said when an older man gets married for the second or third time – especially if the bride is much younger than he.
“There's no fool like an old fool.”
I'd like to contest that idea to a disagree, not so much because it may be true, but because it is usually voiced out of plain and simple jealousy and envy. And some of the world's best, or worst, have been young. Foolishness is not, by any means, confined to the older age levels.
Waste the better part of your next minute or so to consider what it takes to make a true fool, With that tiny fragment of time, you will quickly come to the realization that you agree with another well-know adage: “It takes one to know one!”
It may well be that we are too free with out use of the term “fool” in our everyday speech patterns. We often speak of those “fool young drivers” who have their car motor and stereo at constant high settings.
It could be, also, that we are just about equally divided as either young fools or old fools. It is obvious that neither has a monoply on the trait. As with so many features of life - good and bad – the young tend to learn from the example set by the older members. I don't think either side can go around poking fun and ridiculing the other, with some serious damage to themselves.
Don't fall into the habit of considering what other people do which you don't understand.
When you do so there is a distinct danger that you may deserve the tag yourself for saying so.
Both sides. Get real.
A.L.M. October 20,003 [c334wds]
Monday, October 20, 2003
LAST STAGE ROBBERY
I cannot vouch as to the factual exactness of the story of what is said to have been the final robbery of stage coach in the Shenandoah Valley section of Virginia. I have heard the tale several times from different sources and it seems to be one of those pieces based on fact or one of the many pieces of fiction which keep cropping up in histories of specific localities.
The site of the crime, it is said, was just south of the border line which divides Rockingham County and August County today. It is said that those who planned the attack, counted on the grade of the steadily rising hills south of the place on the Indian or Valley Road where travelers had forded the North Fork of the Shenandoah River to cause the horses to slow down a bit.. That would have placed the site near Weyers Cave, in Augusta County.
That town did not exist at the time, of course, having come about when the railroad put this area on maps when it was it was designated as Weyer's Cave Station, the jumping off place for those passengers who intended visiting Dr. Bernard Weyers' Spa and Caverns at what is now known ss Grand Caverns, Grottoes,Va.
Our story is confined to the Stage Line which existed in the early l8th Century years between Staunton and Winchester, Va. The robbery is said to have taken place on the final hill of the gradual incline the old road took after South Bound coaches had forded the North fork of the Shenandoah River at Crawford's Store. It was seen as a logical site fore such a planned robbery because of the grade of the terrain, even with fresh horses. To complicate the story I have heard that it was not uncommon for stages to refuse new mounts at that location. The next station was called “Ten Mile Stage”which was known later as Mount Sidney, Va. So, robbers, knowing this, may have selected the best site possible.
The three boys who were undertaking the robbery planned it well enough, it seems but they made the mistake talking about their plan the day before in a barn without knowing that the girl friend of one of the boys was within listening distance. What she heard made try to think of some way by which she could prevent her boy friend from taking part in the night time robbery. At supper that night she managed sprinkle “just a smidgen” of dusty flakes of rat poison over his food. By the time of departure time rolled around she was nursing one sick critter, and the other two boys left without him.
That night the robbery went pretty much as planned. The two hold-up men stopped the stage on the hill, robbed the passengers of their valuables, and making their getaway when a coach passenger wounded one of them in the leg with a revolver he had successfully hidden. The driver and others overpowered the highwaymen' tied them up and took them to the next stop. They were, in time, duly tried, found guilty, served several months in jail and it is said both migrated to the far West to become desperadoes.
The girl? Two versions are available.
One account says she nursed her boy friend back to good health and mutual tranquility, but the other reports he never quite got over his ordeal and refused to have anything whatsoever to do with her in any way, shape or form.
If the romantic ending had survived the story would, probably, have been better remembered. The supposed site is still visible although the Route 11 surface is up the hill somewhat but the general contours of the old road can still be seen..
A.L.M. October 19, 2003 [c541wds]
Sunday, October 19, 2003
OH, BURY ME NOT...
On the “lone prairie”, or in the finest marble mausoleums, I often question who devises the quaint, brassy, wise, silly, and, occasionally humorous sentiments emblazoned on the resting place of the notable, notorious, nutty, nefarious or nasty individuals entombed at that specific point.
As to the actual authorship of such graveyard graffiti, we are usually led to believe that the “die-ee” - that would be the individual buried there under - rather than a surrogate “die-or” actually came up with the terse sentiment expressing their true feeling about the deceased. Many such statements are, I fear, pure whimsy on the part of some comedian who lacked a proper stage; cemetery-centered Kilroy character who wanted to leave notice he had been there, or, here at one time.
Can you accept the idea that Dorothy Parker, that eminent Algonquin wit, could have requested that the inscription on her tombstone should read: “Pardon my dust.” As I remember her, she was never quite that polite.
It seems just and proper that Cecil Rhodes' final words be cut in stone for all to remember: “ So little time; so much to do!” and I think it is proper to put one word following the name of a famous gardener: “Transplanted.”
There are reams of these terse statements and many are used again and again. Some are serious such as that of Israeli leader Golda Meir: “I have had enough.” Showman George F. Kaufman quipped:”Over my dead body!” Jack Paar; “Keep the line moving!”, and there are scores of generalized ones which are applied ,usually, on an occupational specialty basic as a rule” For the non-believer””Here lies an achiest. All dressed up and nowhere to go.”; On a supposedly double grave: “ a lawyer and an honest man.”'; on the hypochondriac's grave: “I told you I was sick!” and the cowboy “who's crown was won, by blowing in an empty gun.”
You have, probably, given very little, serious thought to the idea that some words will be required on your headstone one day. I will admit I have been remiss in such preparations myself, as well as any efforts to compose what I want my last words to be.
Tombstone sentiments and “last words” are pretty much of the same order, so we are all potential subjects.
Be very careful what you say at any age!
Remember. Anything you say may be held above you.
A. L. M. October 17, 2003 [c418wds]
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