HELPING Every place, I suppose, has it's own memories for each of us us. No two of us, I dare say,will remember a place, a person, an event, or even a feeling we once had in exactly the same way.
Individuals may vary, as well, I suppose, in the way he or she recalls a moment held in memory. Events of a long time ago, I suppose may be colored, modified, even altered by that which we have have experienced in the intervening years since the moment was real and happening.
I was think of all this morning as I watched Israel and Lebanon as I saw the men and women and their young ones on TV involved in the terrible business of trying to hold together scattered fragments of their lives. Persons who have not seen situations in which living in threatened by war or by the forces of Nature sometimes have difficulties in equating with the silent level of misery such victims sometime suffer. Those of us who have encountered such suffering in a second-hand manner should be thankful for our deliverance from such horrors and do all we can to alleviate the suffering now being created by a phase of war once more.
One thing can be done which will be helpful in most cases. That is simply to show interest and concern wihout, in any way blaming them for the condition in which they happen to be at the moment. They have known finer days for the most part and they have memories they cherish and hold dear. Try always to meet their needs for a friendly presence among them - not a critic, or pious do-gooder playing a saintly role. Your short-term visit - and it should be that, to, rather than an open-end guardianship. The sooner they can get back on their own - the better.
It is best, too for you to get away from the scene for a time, as well. Keep your own life on course, too, and be alert for new ideas about how to provide your new friends with permanent values which will create a sense of achievment in their re-started lives.
Encourage a smile at every opportunity, too. We do not have to be comedians to enjoy laughter, and it is an amazing feature of even such circumstances as often are present in such areas. Prisoners in dire conditons maintain their sanity, we are told, by reflecting on their plight with a subtle sense of humor.rThe inconsistencies of such moments can seem ridiculous and see in them in such a light seems to lessen the load somewhat.
Prayer is a vital part of it all, too. Any reference to a religious background in such times invites criticism these days in the United States, but your new friends may have such feelings and, as a general rule, one must be ready, willing and able to complement any such sense of higher power being very much a part of their survival, rebirth and growth.
To be assured of fine memories of these years make yourself useful those in need where ever they may be.
Andrew McCaskey amccsr@adelphia.net 8-7-06 [c540wds]
